A Little Radiance
by My Crushed Candy Heart
Summary: Not your typical Valentine's story. Rated M for mature themes -not sex, ya pervs XP- Narusasunaru Sasunarusasu -not sure who's more seme-


**A Little Radiance **

_They say that you never know what you've got until it's gone. Well guess what? They were wrong. I knew from the start what I "got." A crappy life filled with hate. I also know what I'll have when it's gone. An even crappier after life. So why should I stick around here? With people who don't understand and never will? There's a fiery pit waiting for me filled with people that understand. They understand the hate. The lies. The tears. The self- loathing. The blood lust. The pain. And they understand they overwhelming desire-no need- to die. To die and be freed from this torturous existence. It's a pointless phase of your soul. It's sudden whim to have a solid container. Then it realizes what having a container entails. The odd unsatisfied desire to be happy that morphs-mutates- the other souls beyond the point of recognition. _

_Then a sickening feeling enters you and you realize- they are all ugly. And you are either just like them, or will become them. That's when your soul realizes it's mistake and wants to leave so badly, it will damn itself for eternity to escape the filthy, stained, hands of humanity clutching it. Yanking it further and further into the depths of worldly sin. So I feel no guilt or shame in relieving myself of my emotions. It's second nature to want to be rid of such things. _

_So every night I watch with morbid fascination as my blood- such a vivid shade of red- spills from the gashes feathering my body. Watch as it slides slowly down the edge of the sink to gather around the drain before spilling over to slide into it's dark depths. These things are perfectly normal, as are the scars, both old and new, that cover my body. Many would view them as ugly, but I view them as beautiful. Proof that I have yet to accept a life of sins and betrayal. _

_This is the reason I stand in front of my bathroom mirror. Watching the color drain from my face. Twin rivers of crimson pouring much quicker than normal into the running water of the sink. Being swept away to never return. I know I should talk to someone before deciding to passing into the next phase of my existence but honestly. Who would listen, let alone care? No one. Absolutely no one. Not even the one I admire the most. _

_He would never accept my "disgusting" feelings. Feelings such as love are not to be expressed between males in the form of a adult relationship. One with hand holding, and kissing, and the works. I would have never known this if not for watching as a villager got scolded by his father for kissing his friend, who also happened to be a boy, on the cheek as they parted ways. It's unnatural. Not right. Weird. Odd. Unwanted. Unacceptable. The list goes on and on. One thought always returns. Why is it so wrong? Isn't love between the same sex just as real as love between members of the opposite sex? The question is always rewarded with images of what I've seen in the back alleys. People being beaten to a bloody pulp for being a "fag." _

_It's for a reason as purely tainted as love that I commit this act. I have done this to my body for the one I love. For Sasuke Uchiha. Born July 23, 1993 to a family of one father, one mother, and an elder brother. All of which were lost the day his brother committed the genocide of the Uchiha clan. At first I had thought he was just like me, but then I remembered. He was important, I never have been and never will be. He was admired, I am hated. He originally had a loving family, I've only had myself. He has riches, I have the clothes on my back. He is handsome with his raven locks and onyx eyes. His pales skin perfectly flawless, like porcelain. _

_I, on the other hand, defy Japanese genetics. I have untamable blonde hair and blue eyes that remind everyone much too much of the man who gave his life. The man who they don't realize is my father. The man they adored. They loved him, but hate his child. I know that the Kyuubi is part of the reasoning. The other part, however, is even more unfair. They think my mother was the reason my father fell as low as to give his life while I lived on. She was no where near the traditional Japanese woman. She had vibrant red hair that fell in a smooth arch to her waist and mints for eyes. They said she was a wild child. One who should have never gotten near the honorable Hokage. Just because she was loud and stood up for herself. Much like my outer shell. Just not as obnoxious. They really hated her because she was not of Konoha origin and an orphan. The village deemed her unworthy. The Kyuubi attacked because the villagers tried to use it to kill my mother. _

_But none of this matters, because it will all be over soon. So with this final statement, I will leave this vessel._

_Sincerely,_

_Naruto Uzumaki_

As I finished writing my name, it occurred to me. No one will see this, so why did I bother? Now I have an overwhelming desire to see Sasuke one last time, to deliver my last words to him personally. So I drag my weak body up from it's newly acquired place on the floor and head towards the Uchiha compound. I don't care that I'm leaving a startling trail of blood behind me. I don't have much time left, I have to make it to the compound. I ignored the hateful eyes that follow me from the main road and jump over the gate. As soon as I'm over, I collapse into a bloody heap. I hear a sharp intake of breath and look up. Standing there, with-amazingly- fear filled eyes, is Sasuke Uchiha. I let a smile grace my lips as I slip into the darkness...

Next thing I know I'm in a warm bed, someone's body close to mine. I blink my eyes and look next to me to see Sasuke asleep, half- on the bed half- off, clutching my hand. I slowly sit up, wincing at the pain shooting up my arms. Why am I still here? I feel the bed shift and soon Sasuke is in front of me, obsidian eyes glazed over "What were you thinking!?" Well, wasn't expecting that. I slowly shook my head "Why?" He blinked, momentarily surprised "Why what?" I shifted my eyes back from the wall to meet his gaze "Why am I alive?" I saw panic seize him as he reached forward, pulling me to him "Don't talk like that. Never talk like that." Another surprise "What do you mean?"

I felt him clutch me tighter "Never insinuate you want to die. Never consider it." I struggled to get away but he held tight "Why not? It's what I want. I want it more than anything." The next words he spoke were said with such clarity that it struck me with shock "Even more than me?" My struggling ceased and I felt I couldn't even breath. This was the closet to a confession I could ever hope for. Sasuke Uchiha had acknowledged my feelings without expressing hatred or disgust. He slowly pulled me back and I wanted as his brow creased with thought and well hidden concern "Naruto?"

My eyes drifted down to the sheets and I noticed I was clutching them to the point I was sure they'd rip. I released my fists and met his eyes "I would give anything for you. That's why I'm willing to give my life, as long as your happy." He looked so upset when I said that, I was truly worried for him. The next thing I knew, something was pressed against my lips. I soon realized it was Sasuke's lips. My eyes slid shut and I returned it. As soon as he pulled away I looked at his face. He looked very serious "Did you mean it? Did you mean to kiss me Sasuke? Do you realize what comes with that kiss? How you'll be treated?" I saw him nod "I don't care as long as I have you."

As happy as it made me, I knew I couldn't let him give everything up for me. A useless nobody. So I'll slip into the shadows unnoticed and he can be with someone who truly makes him happy. I notice a kunai poking out of his weapons pouch and quickly pull it out. I press it against my throat, ready to end it all. As soon as I start to cut, it's knocked out of my reach. My face is grabbed and harshly turned. Sasuke's eyes look shiny and I know it's from tears that refuse to form, let alone fall.

He soon presses his clean hand against my neck, staining his hands with my blood. I've stained him. I've ruined Sasuke Uchiha. My breathing becomes labored as panic sets in. My eyes dilated and dart all around the room, taking things in with startling definition. Out. I've gotta get out. Not just of the room, but this world. I have to get out. I have to leave! I feel a pain on my face and the world stops whirling around me at such high speeds. Sasuke slapped me. He had actually raised his hand and back handed me.

I stare at the little streams making pathways on his cheeks. Tears. He's crying. Because of me. Me. He suddenly collapses against me, his shallow sobs shaking his frame. He really doesn't care. He really does want me. Wether he loves me or not, I don't know. What I do know, is that he's willing to do whatever it takes to keep me. That's all it takes for me to wrap my arms around his frame and he pauses for a second before the sobs become violent. I just pull him closer and place my cheek on the top of his head. He doesn't just want me. He needs me. After awhile, his breathing evens out and I know he's asleep.

I still hold him and look at the wall. There's a clock that reads midnight. Next to it is a calender saying that as of right now, it's February 14. Valentine's day. Although it wasn't like in the movies and books, I still got my own valentine. The beautiful boy covering my body is mine just as I've always belonged to him. If he didn't harbor feelings for me, he wouldn't sleep, lazily draped over my smaller frame, totally content. I feel a smile curve my lips and allow myself to slip into the darkness. This time, I'm eagerly awaiting a new day, a chance for the light to grow stronger and defeat the shadows that overwhelm my mind. As I sleep, my dreams are illuminated with a radiance. One of warmth. One that I recognize as Sasuke. And this keeps me above the water and walking to the Sun. "Happy Valentine's Day, Sasuke." A light shuffle then "You too, Naruto."

A little radiance can go a long way.

_**AN:Yeah...My first Valentine's story, naruto story, and yaoi story. I hope I did okay. I know most people go for the happy cotton candy coated fluff theme for valentines so I tried to switch things up and made my more depressing. The only way you even know what day it is, is by what I wrote in the last full para. So, let me know what you think. Ja ne!**_


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